It’s late, past midnight.

The clock struck 12:00,

and I’m finally in the comfort of my room

Undressing the weight of the day… 

One smile at a time.

A tear strolls down my face

and I almost rush to drown it with splashing water,

but then it hits me:

I’m alone now,

Free…

Unburdened.

My tears can rain now, 

and fly with the wind,

My agony will no longer be dimmed.

My soul can scream its scars now, 

Set them on full display, 

Pause the game for a while, now

Before they press play

It’s late now. 

They’re all asleep, 

but I’m not. I’m awake. 

***

I’m in bed now,

And as the sheets grow warm

I hold my own hand;

It’s as cold as the violent winds of the north pole. 

I stroke it in fear;

Nothing changes.

My blood is boiling, 

My mind is running on a treadmill powered by broken thoughts,

shards here and there

all over the pillows and the sheets. 

I’m here. maybe not. 

I’m awake – but what if I’m not. 

Is this a dream? I pinch myself. 

A scream… escapes my lungs shutting them down.

The treadmill breaks, my thoughts are overrun,

And my heartbeat drops, a hamster dead in its running wheel.

My soul escapes,

It punches the winds

It twists and turns

Seeking shelter,

A safe place

– I am no longer its haven.